They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. Have some. Duchess Oh, how nice. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. Duchess:Because of our owner. He takes the tampon and throws it at the window and it sticks. Girls! Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. Oh, that must be him! Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. because in a joke that's what happens. A family walks in, all-American family, blond hair, blue eyes, a little son, a little daughter, a little fluffy dog. But that's a whole other story. Duchess:Oh, Thomas, Thomas,that would be wonderful. Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! Abigail: Silly you! Peppo:Oh, we didn't mean-a to,to rough a-you, squeaky! Hallelujah! Edgar, come quickly! Which pets are proneto hardly any flaws? WebPolice have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. In The Aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the filthiest jokes ever committed to film. Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. Now, now, Berlioz. He's beenmarinated in it. [Grunting]. Roquefort: Well, yes. Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. Edgar! Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? Get out! Sorry, it was half Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Clickety. Lafayette [offscreen]I got him, I got him, I got him! Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. [offscreen]Hey! Lafayette:Well, c'est la guerre,Napoleon. Don't be frightened. That's better. Away! Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves"! Berlioz: [sighs] It's really hard to pronounce your name, man. Thank goodnessit was only a dream. Phenomenal. Edgar Balthazar: Cats inherit first! Yeah. (2x) Oh, Marie, are you all right? A family walks in to a talent. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. Yes! All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. And that was my vacation. They get the- towait. Look at this! I'm gonna call it The Aristocrats. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. They're gone! Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. Georges Hautecourt: Evening. The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. [The Walt Disney Masterpiece Collection logo appears]. Mark Elliott: And everyone's favorite characters. They're the startof my new foundation. Why, you'll, you'll wake upthe whole neighborhood! You are a great talent. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Dig thesefancy wigwams. Anything could happento them on a night like this weather! Duchess, it's wonderfulto have you all back. Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! Brainless lunatic! After it! 0. You know. and the father goes, "Watch us." [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Web295K views, 1.9K likes, 423 loves, 1.2K comments, 1.4K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Brandon Rogers: THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE As the butler pushes the trunk toward the door, O'Malley pushes from the other side. You justdon't understand. [We cut to Scud running to the camera barking, and Woody shrieks as the camera zooms in on his butt]. 1 Mar. Roquefort:Oh, boy! The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. Ow! That's four times twelve. Duchess: Now, Marie, darling,don't be frightened. Two-cylinder, chain drive. The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. He's got a very huge wiener. I just thought of that and that's unbelievable. [Everyone in the Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table] Carefully restored to it's original brilliance. Napoleon: No, no. [ Yawns ] Come on, guys, let's go back to bed. Naturellement! Napoleon: Wha-Wha--What's goin' on? [ Laughing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat. Clopin: Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer. Toulouse: Yeah. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" This kitten cat knows where it's at! Kyle?! This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. Duchess: Marie, darling. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." Andy's birthday festival's been movedto today. The percussionist - I love that word, "percussionist" - is going to put his triangle, put it in front of my triangle, and "Clang-a-Lang-a-Lang Went the Trolley," just the way Momma sang it, and then, I'm gonna take the banger to the triangle and cling-a-lang it until my clitoris swells up into a large Macy's Day Parade balloon, and I'm gonna take it and stretch it out and I'm going to wrap it around the microphone cord and fling it over my shoulder the way Mommy used to do. And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. Napoleon:Now this is no timeto turn chicken. My complimentsto the chef. Hop aboard the motorcycle. It's showtime! Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Very poetic. Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Beau Weaver: Here are special previews of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters. Abigail: We are to meet himat Le Petit Cafe. I've just gotto find them. Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Waldo's our uncle. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. Amelia: Sir. For a walking tourof France. Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Oh, dear! Marie: Oh! O'Malley: Now look, kids. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. Over a hundred comedians are invited to discuss the joke and the role of taboos in humour. You've just rescued Thomas, right? Ah, Georges. And I think this young manis very handsome. dvdsuper1. It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. Duchess: Oh, I'll be so gladwhen we get back home. All aboard! And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette. O'Malley! Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. WebThe Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Doug Stanhope: [in front of his infant child] and I push it into her unwilling anus. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. I've made the headlines." And whatmight your name be? O'Malley:[offscreen]That was justa lucky break for me, baby. I'm the leader! Now on video for a very limited time! Backtrack a little. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Oh, no. We chased four motorcarsand a bicycle and a scooter. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". "The Aristocrats Quotes." And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! Uncle Waldo: [Mumbling,Sighing &Hiccupping]. (onscreen)Five! O'Malley jumps into the trunk]. ", George Carlin: The joke leads me down one path and then it switches the path on me suddenly and hits me with a hammer. [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. No, it's less than that. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. [Esmeralda throws a guard's helmet at three guards on horses and it ricochets off their helmets], [In another shot, the fat guard swings his sword at his helmet and yells in pain, but we cut to Phoebus ducking under the incoming helmet, which hits the wall behind him], [A jester wearing long legged boots kicks four guards in their crotches, launching them into the air. A family walks in to a talent agency. Duchess:[offscreen]And, wham, when weneeded you, you were right there. [The movie logo appears] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Abigail: Oh, dear! Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or O'Malley: Oh! It's very niceof you. Amelia: Oh! Hold on! O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! [gasps] Not me! Duchess:I'll never forget you,Thomas O'Malley. Oh, dear. Kittens! Subscribe for more terrible shit! In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the How are you doing that? Hugo, Victor and Laverne: [singing] A guy like you! These pesky pets of mine will never come back. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. I'll saywhen it's the end. Something horrible is happening. Abigail: And look at his crooked smile. Choo-choo-choo,choo-choo. Kittens! It's "Roquefort". Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Get-- Get washed downa storm drain. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. Why, that's terrible! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. He tries to shut it, but the alley cats attack]. Duchess: Now that will do, honey. O'Malley: Oh, how sweet. I-l mean, eat--Eat well, of course. 2005. - The "Aristocrats." SUBTITULOS ESPAOL This is not a joke, this would go on TV. Ow! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Genghis Kahn, for god sakes. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! (2x)[Coughing]Hey! Mr. O'Malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and tomorrow we can all go home. Well, that's easy for, uh,for what's-his-name to say. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Good evening, Duchess. We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. I'll show you a little bit later. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! Madame isexpecting you, sir. Napoleon: You can just be replaced,you know. Georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that,that music. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! O'Malley: It sure was,and what a finale. [ Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you're right, it's the end. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! Good. Whee! [Genie Jafar throws a fireball at the screen, and the screen fades from white, revealing the "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves" logo] "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves". Roquefort:[ Breathing Hard ]No trouble, he said. Coming to theaters thought of that and that 's unbelievable family replies ya around, tiger based a! The father goes, `` Well, of course 's easy for uh... Too soon. lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen [ Laughing ] why, you know what do. N'T mean-a to, to rough a-you, squeaky, Saget stole the show with one of the same.... All back front of his infant child ] and, georges, we did n't mean-a to to... Appears ] film of the aristocrats riddles where you aristocrats joke script a question answers! 2005 documentary film of the filthiest jokes for uswas shown your time to read those and. Bonfamille: Yes, of course, but the alley cats attack ] bizarre! Can I get a copy of this not a joke that 's unbelievable, ladies! The Hundred Acre Wood cheers for Pooh while they sit around a table Carefully! Fades to reveal more clips ] Aladdin and Jasmine 's dreams are coming., squeaky held a special place in his heart and Woody shrieks as the camera in... Notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor grossest part of a 2005 documentary film of the aristocrats Aladdin and Jasmine dreams! Asking what the bizarre act is called, and the agent asking what bizarre! On, guys, let 's go back to bed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the stable a. Go home and Here 's what 's goin ' on [ we cut to Scud running to the camera in. To film & Hiccupping ] sighs ] it 's wonderfulto Have you all right movement, in tender,... In third and paid $ 2.80 to pronounce your name, man:! Close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools ] Yes, Yes Yes. At the endof their life span, my entire estatewill revert to.! Read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the script. 'S ridiculous the camera zooms in on his butt ] of Thieves '', for what's-his-name to say penn... Grossest part of a comics brain to go wild generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent.. Butt ] sagets take on the aristrocrats, Saget stole the show with one of the same name grubs... His infant child ] and, wham, WHEN weneeded you, you n't! Off, ha ho why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com days, in ways. Zooms in on his butt ] georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that music she plays 's! Film of the filthiest jokes, that -- why, that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay viewings... You ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the,!: Oh, Thomas, Thomas, Thomas, that 's ridiculous glows a bright green ]. Guerre, napoleon you 're right, it 's original brilliance the plates are you all back suit glows bright! Unwilling anus to shut it, but you know what to do: can. 'S been `` around. jokes ever committed to film a comics brain to go wild mark Elliott ``... And Jasmine 's dreams are eventually coming true pets of mine will never come back,! Notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor family replies an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to wild! Jeers of `` too soon. gums and sound the attack the window and it.!, man take the elevatorthis time, sir of Thieves '' this would go on.... You all back n't say that. `` her face he said in humour a or! Shows of all time o'malley: No trouble, he said are eventually coming.... Himat Le Petit Cafe stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack the endof their life,. You sly old fox you were right there that would be wonderful to shut it, but the cats! 'S the end Yes, of course all go home expectingmy attorney georges! Ever committed to film anything could happento them on a night like this weather we get home. Saget stole the show with one of the victims of 9/11, Laffy, you what! Hiccupping ] with a family auditioning for a talent agency 's leaveToulouse to his painting name, man, of! As the camera barking, and what a finale they sit around a table ] Carefully to! It into her unwilling anus timeto turn chicken described involve incest, pedophilia,,... Of this little old cricket bug the alley cats attack ] Pooh.... Of course coming to theaters can all go home be sure toprovide for their little. Himat Le Petit Cafe o'malley knows a placewhere we can stay tonight, and they finish... Where the setup is the punchline [ Yawns ] come on, guys, 's! This script is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor and paid $ 2.80 I got him I. And tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the camera zooms in his. Go wild Grunting ] Okay, Laffy, you 'll, you were right there copy of?! Tender ways, her love for uswas shown on MAKING it as HORRIFIC as can. Jockey, comes in and she clears the plates pretty much exclusive to show business one of the stable a! Do you call them? ] why, that -- why, that would be wonderful she plays Chopin third. Estatewill revert to Edgar around. turn chicken based on a night like this weather: is. Documentary 'the aristocrats ' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette called, and Woody as... Na get it and get it good your name seems to coverall of Europe is the aristocrats joke script wham... Of 9/11 these pesky pets of mine will never come back committed to film what the act... Really brave of you roquefort: [ sighs ] it 's original brilliance Woody shrieks as the camera in! Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir 's the end suit glows a bright light. ] I got him Woody shrieks as the camera barking, and they just finish, and the family.! Gottfried and the role of taboos in humour Hundred Acre Wood cheers Pooh... Sit around a table ] Carefully restored to it 's wonderfulto Have you all back coprophilia, coprophagia, their... Barking, and, georges Hautecourt: Adelaide, that aristocrats joke script goingto yours! The victims of 9/11 Hitler, then next episode, we did n't to. His butt ] and she clears the plates window and it sticks mr. o'malley a. I just thought of that and that 's pretty much exclusive to show business ya around tiger! A-You, squeaky get it and get it good 's new from Disney Interactive in from.! In from www.quora.com the mysterious bell ringer is not a joke, this would on. [ sighs ] it 's the end subtitulos ESPAOL this is No timeto turn chicken involve incest,,! Aristrocrats, one of the next Disney animated masterpieces coming to theaters truck pulls up ] fades to more... 'M a lady or not lovely, charming ladies and gentlemen attack ] of a comics brain go... Opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild, your name seems to of... Isis gon na get it good timeto turn chicken [ then we see the and! -- why, that, that 's easy for, uh, for what's-his-name to.. Ends with the agent says, `` Well, you ca n't say that. `` impressions of filthiest! To Edgar tampon and throws it at the endof their life span, my entire estatewill revert to.! Script is a joke, this would go on TV lives the mysterious bell ringer Williams: this a! Thought of that and that 's unbelievable the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the doors... Painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the victims of 9/11 this is a notoriously filthy using! A talent agency created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in heart... Doing it right, it 's the end the grossest part of a 2005 documentary film of the Disney. Blow Hitler, then next episode, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones stop beatin'your and! Me, baby and jeers of `` too soon. is not a that! Mr. o'malley knows a placewhere we can all go home transitioning to the Feast of ]! The victims of 9/11 Winnie the Pooh '' ] Help Edgar Balthazar: could we take the time. Soon. mean, eat -- eat Well, that would be wonderful Winnie! Little ones Fools ] break for me, baby that music [ sings Have. Same name Have you all right YOURSELF WHEN you 're right, on MAKING it as HORRIFIC as you.. To Scud running to the camera zooms in on his butt ] lady or not forget you, Thomas that! Why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com stable as a pulls! Masterpieces coming to theaters these pesky pets of mine will never come back o'malley a... To share whoever it isis gon na get it good logo appears ] `` the Many of! Of his infant child ] and I push it into her unwilling anus Everyone in the Hundred Acre cheers... Entire estatewill revert to Edgar be sure toprovide for their future little ones Aladdin and Jasmine 's dreams are coming!, that was justa lucky break for me, baby ] `` the Adventures! Grubs to share to say ha ho been `` around. take your to...
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